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Truck Drivers In England Are Being Plagued By Fleas With Big Penises

AUGUST 15, 2015  —  By Tim Unkenholz  
Tim Unkenholz

Tim Unkenholz

Writer and stand up comedian in NY. Check out my monthly comedy show Roomie Raiders at the Creek and The Cave! @timunken

As if being what is known colloquially as a "lorry driver" wasn't bad enough, truck drivers in England now have to endure a terrible infestation of fleas. But these are far worse than the fleas that bother your cats and dogs. This variety, now referred to as the "uber flea," is known for its aggressive nature...and its particularly large penis.

Thousands of long-distance truckers have been greeted in their cabs by these nasty bugs over the past few weeks.

Those tasked with driving between England and France appear to be getting the worst of it.

Uber fleas are resistant to most repellents, and they're much larger than regular fleas...especially in the penis department.

In some cases, their penises are two and a half times longer than their bodies.

The bugs that these drivers are dealing with are particularly aggressive, and there are a lot of them.

A mild winter followed by a hot, rainy summer created ideal breeding conditions for these creatures.

The only problem with this explanation is that it doesn't really get into why these things have giant penises, which is bothering me. I also feel like they didn't need to disclose that information to the poor truck drivers. They were probably humiliated enough as it is.