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Bad News For Hot Dog Lovers -- They're Full Of Human DNA

OCTOBER 29, 2015  —  By Tim Unkenholz  
Tim Unkenholz

Tim Unkenholz

Writer and stand up comedian in NY. Check out my monthly comedy show Roomie Raiders at the Creek and The Cave! @timunken

For meat detractors, hot dogs represent everything that's wrong with being a carnivore. These sweaty tubes of mystery meat have confounded people all over the country (and the world) for decades. In the back of our minds, we all know that we're probably better off not knowing what hot dogs are made of. Based on recent studies, that's absolutely right.

Hot dogs are even grosser than you once thought. A watchdog group recently found that 14.4 percent of all hot dogs present heath hazards to consumers. As it turns out, many hot dogs contain human DNA. Think veggie dogs are better? Nope. In fact, they can be even worse.

A company called Clear Food looked at 345 hot dog samples from 75 brands and found that a significant percentage of them were contaminated in some way.

Two percent of these samples were found to contain human DNA.

Two-thirds of the dogs containing human DNA were actually veggie dogs.

Many vegetarian hot dogs were found to contain traces of meat, and "pork-free" hot dogs actually contained pork.

The world is full of chaos.

Some brands passed with flying colors, including some American favorites like Ball Park and Oscar Meyer. As for the other ones, it's probably safe to assume that they're just selling tubes of goblin meat.