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6 Real Stories From History Too Terrifying For The Classroom

OCTOBER 15, 2015  —  By Tim Unkenholz  
Tim Unkenholz

Tim Unkenholz

Writer and stand up comedian in NY. Check out my monthly comedy show Roomie Raiders at the Creek and The Cave! @timunken

We've already addressed some of the more sexually charged moments in history that they didn't tell you about in high school, but as gross as King Charles II was, he doesn't hold a candle to these people.

Today, we bring you some of the most bizarre tales from the annals of history. When you tell them to your friends later, we hope that you do so in the dark with a flashlight under your chin.

This female SS guard at Auschwitz got off on torture.

Known as "The Hyena of Auschwitz," Irman Grese served as a female guard at Auschwitz. She had a bejeweled whip and she used it to whip female prisoners in the chest until they were badly scarred. When the prisoners received medical help, she watched the medical staff work on their cuts in the operating room, all while pleasuring herself. She was executed for her crimes at the age of 22.

This painting of Hitler was made before he was born.

German painter Franz von Stuck may have painted this picture in 1889, but it sure looks like the adult version of a soon-to-be dictator who was born a year later. We're talking about Hitler, folks. Stuck's Die Wilde Jagd depicts German war god Wodan leading an army of corpses through Germany, much like a certain mustached maniac we came to know during World War II. It was said to be Hitler's favorite painting as a child. Shocking.

The man who tried to save Lincoln later tried to kill his own family.

We all know the man on the far right in this picture, but have you heard the story about the man on the far left? That is Union Army Major Henry Rathbone. Rathbone blamed himself for Lincoln's death, and while serving as a consulate in Germany, he went crazy. He tried to kill his children, but his wife (pictured to his right) stopped him. He promptly shot his wife in the head and then stabbed himself. He spent the rest of his life in an asylum.

The world's first documented serial killer was a woman.

In the first century A.D., a woman named Locusta terrorized the Roman Empire during what is considered its most peaceful period. She was arrested for killing several people with poison, but Nero pardoned her by getting her to make a poison for his 13-year-old stepbrother Britannicus. Nero rewarded her with a villa, which she basically turned into a murder palace.

A politician's on-air suicide.

After being convicted of bribery, Pennsylvania senator Budd Dwyer shocked the state by calling a news conference in Harrisburg. During the conference, he shot himself in the head in front of reporters. His suicide was broadcast all over Pennsylvania.

Joan of Arc's brother-in-arms killed 140 children.

Everyone loves Joan of Arc, but for some reason, people neglect to talk about her "ardent companion" Gilles de Rais. That might have something to do with the fact that he sacrificially killed as many as 140 children while trying to resurrect a demon named Barron.

History isn't as straightforward as Steven Spielberg's World War II films would have you believe. That's why I always laugh when someone claims that the present is more insane than the past. People have always been crazy, and they always will be.