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15 Creepy Christmas Ornaments That Will Turn Your Holiday From Merry To Terrifying

DECEMBER 10, 2015  —  By Tim Unkenholz  
Tim Unkenholz

Tim Unkenholz

Writer and stand up comedian in NY. Check out my monthly comedy show Roomie Raiders at the Creek and The Cave! @timunken

Have you ever opened your ornament box and asked yourself, "Wait, where did this come from?" Whether it be a drunken vacation purchase or an odd gift from an aunt, the weirdest ornaments seem to amass in my family's house through mysterious means.

I just can't help but ask, "Did we really buy this?" Here are some of the creepiest ornaments ever made that are sure to make Christmas feel a lot more like Halloween.

1. Durpy Fred wants you to see his mystery machine.

2. Demon Santa ornaments make fun gifts for your whole Satan-worshipping cult.

3. Newborn-aments!

4. Ah, the festive fire-merman! Because someone needs to put out those pesky underwater fires.

5. Deck the halls with boughs of dead terrorists!

6. This image of Christ shows a baby who realizes he's been born into a dying sphere of sin.

7. I don't know why, but these three look like they've killed before.

8. You can screw bulbs into the eye sockets of this Santa, which is presumably how he sees you when you're sleeping.

9. There's nothing like a goat-legged Santa, am I right?

10. Santa in a g-string is the perfect ornament to buy if you want to ruin your childhood and g-strings at the same time.

11. Even the elder god Cthulhu can get down with some Christmas cheer.

12. This looks like the world's oldest child dressed in various napkins.

13. Celebrating mass death is probably not the best way to go about Christmas.

14. ♪ ♫...two turtle doves, and a mutant blob of conjunctivitis! ♫ ♪

15. Someone did us a favor and put more 'toe' in mistletoe. Thanks?

These are all pretty weird, but if you look at your own tree, you might find some bizarre nonsense of your own. I swear...for the past decade, my family has put up this one ornament that I'm pretty sure is just a stale cookie. Whatever.

 

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