Ad Blocker Detected

We've noticed you're currently running ad blocking software. The contents of this site are available for free thanks to the contributions of our sponsors. If you cannot see the entire article, we would appreciate if you would deactivate your ad blocker and refresh the page before continuing to browse.

Thank you.

Do You Need Alien Insurance? I Think You Might Need Alien Insurance

OCTOBER 14, 2015  —  By Tim Unkenholz  
Tim Unkenholz

Tim Unkenholz

Writer and stand up comedian in NY. Check out my monthly comedy show Roomie Raiders at the Creek and The Cave! @timunken

You've seen commercials for flood insurance and volcano insurance, but unless you live in certain areas, the likelihood of either of those things happening is very slim. But that doesn't stop people from being on the safe side when it comes to these disasters. In fact, fear of impending doom has led people to pay one ridiculous organization to protect them from the costs associated with alien abduction.

Yes, there is a company out there called Grip that will gladly cover medical costs should an anally-fixated alien race take you aboard their craft. Needless to say, Grip has yet to pay out a single claim.

British insurance company Grip has over 37,000 registered clients. Each of them paid around $150 to open up their account.

And in case you didn't already think that there were thousands of idiots roaming around out there, this company has made $6 million so far.

Grip says that they are willing to pay someone $160,000 if they can prove that they were abducted by aliens.

Ideally, you'd show them the sick selfie you took with your extraterrestrial captors.

The company also offers different types of claims.

They'll give you a hefty payout if you're impregnated or killed by one of these things, for example. Grip is always looking out!

Not entirely sold? Maybe you'll change your mind when you hear about this sick celebrity endorsement!

As it turns out, the entire Heaven's Gate religious cult supports Grip's mission. This is the same group that partook in mass suicide back in the '90s to ensure that everyone's soul made it to its designated afterlife spaceship! Talk about credibility, am I right?

Not afraid of aliens? Don't worry, there are also companies out there that will insure you for turning into a vampire, being attacked by a poltergeist, and crossing paths with the Loch Ness Monster. This is capitalism at it's finest, folks.